This incident took place when I was in Mexico last year. I opted for the host family programme over the hostel accommodation in campus, but unlike most of my peers who had complete families, my 'family' only had a widow and another exchange student from the Dominican Republic.
During my first few meals, I observed that my host mum would set up the dining table and lay the cutlery all by herself. When I offered to help out in the kitchen, she would decline politely. After our meals, I took my initiative to help her stack the dishes and bring them back to the kitchen, but she would take them away and prevent me from doing so.
I was very puzzled at her actions at the time, because I was used to clearing and washing my dishes or cups back in Singapore. But based on my cultural background, my initial assumption was that she was treating me like a guest in her house. So, as a host, she should not let the guest do the chores.
However, this situation continued for another few days. Once, she was not around so I washed my own dishes after my meal. When she found out later, she got slightly furious and reminded me to just leave them in the sink next time.
I was taking a class about the Mexican culture that time, and during one of the lessons, the professor explained that Mexicans had a strong sense of division of labour between men and women. Men were required to work and bring home the bacon, while women were supposed to stay at home and manage the household.
I also brought up this matter to the local students over there, and they explained to me that in some of the more traditional families, they would not even allow boys or men to enter the kitchen. This was because such behaviour was not considered masculine. Interesting to note, all the female Singaporeans said their host families expected them to help out in the kitchen during mealtimes.
Thank you, Yong Feng. I haven't known about Mexican culture that boys or men are not allowed to enter the kitchen =D good experience I think.
ReplyDeleteJust my opinion, to prevent any surprise/shock in cultural differences, in the future, whenever traveling to the new country, you should do the research to learn about that country's culture first =D
Hi Hong,
ReplyDeleteFor large countries like Mexico (or even China and India), cultures actually differ within the country itself. Meaning, the people living in the northern part might have slightly different cultures as compared to people living in the southern regions. Thus, I think it's not so easy to define what a country's culture is.
Hi Yong Feng!
ReplyDeleteYup! In Latin America as well as Spain, man are viewed as being the machos one and thus should not do anythings that are considered feminine.
In the latin world, man are normally sterotyped as macho and superior and are there to protect the family not to do household chores. This is mainly due to the harsh cultures in these Latin American countries.
Hasta la vista! See you around in class!
wow, Edmund knows a lot~~~
ReplyDeletei think in Korean or Japan, people also think men should make money outside and women should manage the chores at home, but not sure if it is so strict.
i just want to ask, did you ask the woman why? yeap, we should be sensitive to the cultural difference, but we can always ask, right? i think this may help a lot to solve intercultural conflict.
Hi Yong Feng,
ReplyDeleteInteresting story! I'm quite amazed at the cultural differences between South America and Asian. Although women in Asian are mostly required to do the household, I think it's very normal for men to help sometimes. Mexicans are more traditonal than I expected!
Hi Yong Feng,
ReplyDeleteThis is interesting! the same thing applies to traditional families in Indonesia as well. Girls are expected to know all the basics like cooking, washing dishes, mending clothes, knitting, this and that.
And when there are guests, usually women will clear plates and chat while washing plates, while the men will sip coffee and involve in talks about politics and current events. =)
Thanks, Yong Feng, for an interesting and insightful post. You describe the scenario very clearly and concisely, and after detailing your experience with the widow, make what seems like a reasonable interpretation. Like Forest, I do wonder what the woman might have said to you if you had asked her why you couldn't help out. We must ask if her behavior truly reflective of "Mexican culture."
ReplyDeleteI mentioned to Brooks in commenting on his post that we must always be careful about extrapolating a general statement about a cultural group based on the actions of a single individual. Still, in your post the comments of the academic lend support to your interpretation. It helps that you were taking a course on culture at the time and that your professor talked about traditional divisions of labor. (I experienced exactly the same thing in Portugal, where none of the women I met would have ever let me help in the kitchen.) I appreciate your mention of that perspective.
Thanks Brad, for the long comment!
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think even for people who live in the same region, the extent of their practice of the culture can vary as well. Some are more traditional, while some do away with a couple of the habits that are attached to the culture as times change.
To answer your question (as well as Forest's), I did not really ask her about it. Thus, the furthest that I have gone is to put the dishes and cutlery into the sink.
To Cosine, I think Mexicans are much more traditional than what most of us think. I think most people have the misconception that Mexicans are similar to the Americans, which is not exactly true sometimes.
This is interesting and bad example for feminists. For most of the cultures, men and women are not equal in social and family status and different in function in a family. Men are usually supposed to offer the protection and financial support for the family while women or female family members take over the housework and nurturing of children, which becomes custom. In extreme case, the exchange of the job between men and women would be regarded as deterioration of moral. Male chauvinism is everywhere but whether it is culture thing or family thing needs to be differentiated. You would expect to see male chauvinists in Sweden (I think it would be very rare since it is offensive violation of law and social norms).
ReplyDeleteBut for most of the time, it could be generalized as it is more usually embedded in the local and society culture.